Is love really falling?
We’ve all heard the phrase: “falling in love”.
They say it’s fireworks, an over-the-moon feeling, a certainty, love at first sight.
But is it really?
I’ve been married almost 9 years now, and I’m still “in love” with my husband. Love is marketed to be this instantaneous connection that will never fade and will cross borders and space and time! It’s fought wars and overcome odds. It’s romantic and cinematic!
But, it’s not…also…
It’s actually pretty boring. The feeling of love is indescribable. But, real love is mundane. It’s choosing to put your focus on YOUR person. It’s an act of selflessness. It’s wanting more for that person than you want for yourself.
You will find other people attractive. You will get “butterflies” for someone randomly and wonder if you’ve made a mistake…. Because that’s chemistry. That’s biology, darlin’. That’s just your reproductive innards urging you to reproduce.
Love is so much more than that. Sure, chemistry is involved. But, chemistry is also super easy to fabricate. A man can instantly go from a 5 to an 8 to most women with the right cologne, a good outfit, and a decent haircut.
But, love? Love is when you actually get to know that person and you STILL want to continue spending hours and hours with them. It’s when you’ve heard all of their life stories a thousand times and can’t wait to spend the rest of your life hearing them again. It’s easy to have chemistry. It’s easy to “fall” for someone new. Everything about them is new. Every story is exciting, because you’ve never heard it before. They’re automatically interesting, because you don’t KNOW THEM!
A huge problem I see in marriage and couples is that they let themselves “fall in love”—or at least believe they love someone because they get too physical too fast—before they even know the other person.
Then, they wind up looking at their partner a year or two into marriage and think… I don’t even really LIKE you. (Based on the many stories of divorced individuals online).
Don’t do that, my friend.
Marry someone who is your BEST FRIEND. Marry someone you know better than anyone in the world whose stories you’ve heard over and over and would gladly hear another thousand times just to be next to them when they tell them.
Marry the person you might have to sponge-bathe someday. Marry the person knowing that THAT PERSON is going to be the one walking next to you when you lose your parents, give up on your dream job, suffer the loss of a child, experience poverty, and achieve every goal in your life.
If they’re jealous of you, run. They will never celebrate your wins with you.
If they are self-serving, run. They will not change to serve you, and you will be spending your life pouring from an empty cup.
If they talk down about people who are suffering, run. They won’t be there to pick you up and help you when you’re suffering.
“Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil; 6 rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth; 7 [b]beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Love never faileth…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ASV).
p.s. I use the American Standard Bible version, because it’s public domain, and I don’t want to infringe on copyright laws :)